He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
