All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
