You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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