Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
