My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
