forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
