Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
