If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
