I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
