Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we made out on top of his cat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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