even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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