My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
