NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
