her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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