You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
