Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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