You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
