OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
