he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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