I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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