dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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