i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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