Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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