i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
