Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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