I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
