what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
