Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
