Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
