I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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