is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
