I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize