i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
