it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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