Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
