I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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