Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
