I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
