they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
