New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
