u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
