Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this beer tastes like vomit already
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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