So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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