She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
