High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize