Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
