She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize