Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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