He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
