Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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