On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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