and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
