so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
