A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
