I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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