help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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