so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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