I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
