He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i now understand why vodka
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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