I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
