I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
