I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize