I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize