I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
