you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize