do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
