college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you never un-have a 4some
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
