I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
