you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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