took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
