Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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