I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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