i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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