I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
