Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
