so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
