So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
