Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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