He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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