Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Randomize
