Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
