You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
