I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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