happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
