can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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