You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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