According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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