I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize