i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
