I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
