all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
