Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
