the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Too much gin, very little bucket
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
