i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
