nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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