Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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