You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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