i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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