After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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